testosterone

i was thinking about testosterone and the this american life episode (#220) about it that i listened to last week. one of the stories pertained to a writer who had temporarily stopped producing testosterone due to medical reasons. the interesting thing he discovered was the tie between testosterone and things that he thought were innate to his identity, including his ambition, sense of humor and interest in things. he also found other aspects of his personality he didn't like were gone--envy and the desire to judge. it's amazing that the lack of a small amount of body chemistry would alter a person's identity to such a degree. tonight i was wondering about my own hormone levels and how much more decisive and less willing to put up with shit i am at certain times of the month. it would be interesting to know what my testosterone level was compared to my friends and the population as a whole.

wings

it would be nice if the management of the building i work in would put in a tampon machine. it's bad enough that they've made the bathrooms unisex yet can't seem to maintain a certain level of cleanliness or keep people from smoking or taking their sweet time talking on their cell phones in there. i realize i need to take some responsibility for remembering to pack my purse, and i have, only to have them spill out of my purse at inopportune times yet not be available when i need them.

today was one of those days of need. as usual, i rushed off to work and forgot, something, and that happened to be it, so i went about discretely asking a couple female co-workers if they had extra. i think one woman was post-menopausal. the other woman only had a pad, so i had to make do with the brightly green and rather sizable package.

i feel old in saying that pads sure have diversified since i began my journey into womanhood. the one my co-worker gave me had tabs added to the already diaper-like size (at least on me) and specialized areas of extra-absorbency. i thought we were about the same size, but i had to pause to wonder if in adding these "wings" they had thought to make these things in more than one size.

beCLAWS!

claws
Originally uploaded by bluepupae.

we decided to "go out" for entertainment rather than stay home knitting/programming/surfing the web/insert other nerdy activity here. on the recommendation of a friend, and inspired by memories of crayfish boils in louisiana with my family, we tried one of the vietnamese cajun seafood places popping up around little saigon--CLAWS. why? beCLAWS!

you can order a variety of seafood boiled in one of four seasonings: cajun, garlic butter, lemon pepper and cannonball, which is the kitchen sink combination of all three. we went for a lb of crayfish cannonball style, and added some corn and sausage to the mix. i don't remember the last time i ordered food by the lb, so i wasn't sure if the amount would be enough or too much, so i also ordered the fried fish and french fries. next time, i think i will forgo the sausage and order more crayfish and/or shrimp. i really wanted some crab, but they didn't have any tonight.

the seasoning was quite good, with chunks of garlic floating in a sea of red cajun spices. even though we ordered the mild with the fire in the hole mix on the side, it was still quite spicy but the perfect amount for me. i know. it's sad that i'm vietnamese, and my white boyfriend can eat spicier food than me, but hey, i like to savor the food with my tongue tingly but not completely on fire with my eyes about to explode out of my head. some people go for that experience. not me. if that's you, go for the fire in the hole.

i'm more accustomed to eating crayfish cooked with a hint of cajun spices dipped in either mayo and/or salt and pepper with lime, so i remember the taste of fresh louisiana crayfish. with all the spices at claws, it was a little hard to discern if there was much flavor to the crayfish. nonetheless, i enjoyed the food and the spices. i'll definitely have to come back to try the dungeness and blue crabs.

since we were in the 'hood, i finally fed my bowling cravings via fountain bowl from a few weeks earlier, too.

rockin' out

last night started out quietly enough. i was over at steph's with a couple of her co-workers watching Helvetica and knitting. after the movie ended, steph broke out the guitars and began to rock out. guitar hero has been popping up in various conversations, including with a couple cashiers i didn't know at whole foods, so i was intrigued to say the least. one game, and i was hooked. i have to say, the people who created the wii are pretty damn clever, which they had to be to be competitive with playstation and xbox. they have their niche of cute and quirky games, but now i'm thinking about rocking out, playing golf and bowling, many of which i hardly do in real life. we've been making our older version game consoles last, not feeling like it's worth the distraction (i know blasphemous) and/or money, but i'm tempted to fork out the $3oo bucks for a more immersive user/game experience to feed my fantasies. besides, look what this guy did with his wii.

fodder for art

fodder for art
Originally uploaded by bluepupae.

for years i have suffered through allergies. every year, beginning as early as january and for 3-5 months, my nose runs and itches and is prone to sinus infections, my eyes water and itch and turn red, my face breaks out, i sneeze, can't breath, am miserable whilst going through countless tissues and have varying degrees of success doing the usual things.

i've tried a number of remedies, including benadryl which makes me way too sleepy and is only a last resort, claritin, allegra, homeopathic pills, bee pollen and local honey, none of which completely wipes out the allergy symptoms without wiping me out, and some do both. i've tried plugging my nose with tissue, but that is only temporary relief until it becomes snot-soaked or gets sent flying across the room by an explosive sneeze.

the thought of visiting rome strikes fear in my heart because the one time i was there, i had the worst allergy attack which ended up with me developing a sinus infection and bronchitis by the end of my vacation. i barely remember the coliseum through tears and medication. apparently, i'm allergic to antiquity or at least the dust that goes with it.

this year has not been so bad compared to others. i've lived in the same place for some time, and last year, which was worse, i ate a lot of bee pollen. i still have days though when i can't take it, and rather than attempt to be functional, i dose myself with benadryl and call it a day. so i've been thinking about doing the only thing i can, make some art out of it. i have to do something with the piles of snotty tissues. they would be better admired in a museum collection than a landfill, i think.

my yarn runeth over

stash
Originally uploaded by bluepupae.

woe is me. i was doing so well. i almost went two months without buying yarn (must be some kind of record since pre-yarn days considering my record). my goal was to abstain from yarn purchases until summer. what did me in was being in the proximity of some fine yarn, which is a sure sign i'm an addict.

i signed up for a finishing class to help me get over the ugh feeling i have when i think about having to seam my knitting. of course, i couldn't stay away from all the lovely sweater patterns out there. i've done minor seaming, mainly kitchener grafting on socks, but with some projects in the past, i felt in the dark and fudging along. patterns usually don't give detailed instructions on seaming, so i wanted to find out from someone with experience how it's done. it was a good class, but inevitably ended up walking away with some skeins of shibuiknits sock yarn newly arrived at a mano.

art center student graduation show

art center graduation show
Originally uploaded by bluepupae.

i found this piece at the art center student graduation show to be amusing.

marinated tofu, roasted kale & coconut rice

dinner 4/17
Originally uploaded by bluepupae.

i used the ginger orange marmalade we picked up from ward ranch to make a marinade for tofu, which i then baked. the original recipe came from vegan yum yum. instead of sautee-ing kale, i roasted it to intensify the flavors. to go with the tofu, i made coconut rice from a recipe in deborah madison's vegetarian cooking for everyone. it all turned out quite tasty and assuaged my feelings of frustration from earlier. next step: try galvanized steel.

being and nothingness

no photo today because there's been little progress on my led project unless you want to see my pathetic face after picking up special flux & high-content silver solder from a welding supply shop in north long beach and still having no success in soldering braided stainless steel wire to the leds. i wonder if i have to torch the damn thing. %@#*&@(^!

it's times like this that i wonder why i don't stick to familiar territory. i know there's an answer. it's not frickin' rocket science after all.

german chocolate cupcakes

german chocolate cupcakes
Originally uploaded by bluepupae.

devil's cake recipe from tartine cookbook
coconut with hazelnut & macadamia nut filling from martha stewart
ganache chocolate from martha stewart

maybe i've been cooking for so long that i have a knack for winging it, but baking is hard. the weekend before last, my stitch n' bitch group communed for a little pic-a-knit. in addition to my enthusiasm, i brought homemade from my new fancy mixer that won't fit on the counter german chocolate cupcakes.

i found a devil's cake recipe that appeared to have the rich chocolate-y-ness i was looking for to go with recipes for coconut filling & ganache chocolate from martha stewart. wtih some inspiration from a vegan recipe, i substituted hazelnuts & macadamia nuts for pecans (i much prefer the former). the filling and ganache turned out great, but some of the cupcakes were a little overcooked and dry. i did take them out earlier than the time for the cake recipe, figuring that the cupcakes would bake faster, but i think i should have taken them out even earlier. l guess the ganache distracted the knitsibs enough such that they didn't notice the dry cake or maybe i'm just being neurotic.

i have to say that for a name like ganache, it is surprisingly easy to make. mike becomes physically distraught when i say ganache as it sounds too pretentious or something. i have nothing against ganache, especially eating it. besides, it rhymes with panache which is a fabulous word. he doesn't like the word cabachon either. i'd rather say cabochon than "a precious stone of convex hemispherical or oval form, polished but not cut into facets."

lace smoke ring

lace smoke ring
Originally uploaded by bluepupae.

i finished this a couple weeks ago. the pattern was easy to remember. even though there were five charts, they were merely variations of the same basic pattern. i made it shorter than the pattern recommended, since i have no intention of wearing it over my head. sometimes i don't like the ends of a scarf coming loose. the compactness of the neckwarmer is nice. i also enjoy knitting in the round and being able to tuck this under a jacket. hard to say, but it certainly has the promise of becoming a favorite scarf.

april 11 dinner

dinner
Originally uploaded by bluepupae.

i made tomato saffron risotto with roasted red bell peppers and asparagus and asiago cheese. it turned out quite good.

ward ranch tour & jam tasting

ward ranch tour & jam tasting
Originally uploaded by bluepupae.

yesterday was a day of leisure. jeff ward of ward ranch in sierra madre gave a group of us a tour of the gourmet food business built by his grandfather. we tasted some delicious jams, jellies and marmalades, as well as hand-stuffed hand-packed spanish olives, which reminds me that i want to find out what exactly is the difference between jam, jelly and marmalade.

post tour, we had a nice lunch at "the only place in town" cafe. because i was with a group of foodies, our conversation somehow moved to bulgarini gelato, which is in nearby altadena, a bit out of the way from long beach, but not if you're having lunch in sierra madre. one thing led to another, and we found ourselves on a hot and dry saturday eating some very good gelato. i had a small cup with three scoops that included coconut, bacio (chocolate hazelnut) and strawberry custard. mike had the stracciolo (chocolate chip), espresso and pistachio. apparently, the owner imports the pistachios from europe, since the ones here aren't good enough. it's been a while since i've had gelato ( i think the last time may have been in italy like a zillion years ago!), and i haven't had bad gelato, so i have little to compare what we had to, but i found it to be quite good. the bacio was very rich. my only preference would be for the coconut to be less sweet.

problem solving

my led project has hit another snafu. after wire wrapping three columns (of the 72 column grid), i discovered that due to the uneven weight on the very thin wrapped kynar wire, some were breaking. i chose the thin wire to not detract from the light feel of the piece. each circuit board holds two leds and represents one "pixel" or "dot" of the overall image and connects to adjacent boards via two kynar wires. the problem is that it is extremely difficult to wrap the two such that the lengths are exactly the same. because of this, the weight is unevenly distributed, and as subsequent boards are added, more weight needs to be supported by a single wire.

i scrapped (for now) the idea of using the kynar wire in lieu of two continuous lengths of wire for each column, to which the boards would be soldered. this would get around the problem of a lot of weight on a single bit of wire. unfortunately, my new plan has not been working out as well as i had hoped and has been very frustrating especially since i have been working on this for so long and am anxious to finish it (i keep reminding myself it is the journey not the destination). i have tried braided stainless steel, galvanized steel and copper. the braided steel looked nice, but the solder would slip right off as if it were coated in oil. solid copper wire worked fine, but i want to use a wire that is flexible for storage and does not stand out from the rest of the piece. tinned copper seemed to be the way to go, but not available to the average consumer.

mike found some picture wire i had, made of stainless steel, and had some modicum of success soldering, so i ordered some to test, and that didn't work. this past week, i researched soldering stainless steel, which is apparently quite difficult to do. i tried increasing the temperature and even using a torch, sanding the wire, using acid-core solder, and separate flux. none of these methods has worked. i'm hoping maybe it's the flux, and am now trying to find some special flux for soldering stainless steel.

this is not boding well for me. i want to forge ahead and have hopes of finishing this in time for a show in the fall. one of the most interesting things i find about making art is the problem solving, but it can be very frustrating. i find myself attracted to challenges but often wonder if i'm a masochist...

last sunday, while feeling pissy and frustrated about making a jig wherein i had to hand drill evenly spaced pairs of holes into a length of plywood, and after considering buying a drill press, i did find a new, smaller and doable project. i am interested in the idea of perfection and recently found myself considering why i like making things that have the appearance of being machine made. what is this aspiration towards an ideal that in extremes can be detrimental to one's mental and physical health? i was thinking about the women in lauren greenberg's documentary on eating disorders and my own perfectionist tendencies. it can be absurd when you're on the outside looking in yet inescapable. as a nod to john baldassari and conceptual art, i am going make a piece about perfection. already, the thought of changing the context of an act in the art process will change the experience and meaning of the piece and provide some distraction while i figure out how to solder steel.