machine project @ lacma

machine project @ lacma
Originally uploaded by bluepupae.

yesterday, machine project took over LACMA with installations, workshops and performances. i weathered the post-apocalyptic air from regional fires and lost myself in the whole experience, and though i spent most of the day there and still didn't see everything, i did discover parts of the museum i'd never been to, explored a familiar process (crochet) in a new way, and experienced the museum in a new way. in contrast to the usual quiet museum experience, the many people that attended added a feeling of controlled chaos as well as festive excitement to the event. there were lots of families with kids who could actually touch things inside the museum.

i started the visit learning to crochet a hyperbolic object using plastic bags as "yarn." crochet easily lends itself to three dimensional surface and materials experimentation. already, i'm thinking about making something on a bigger scale or in other materials. the two women who were orchestrating the class are working on a huge coral reef project made up of crocheted pieces.

after a few hours crocheting, i wandered around the museum, which is really quite large, now that they have the bcam. i've never even been inside some of the buildings. most of the time, my visits are to specific shows that take place in some of the same buildings. i had no idea there was a huge tony smith sculpture in the ahmanson building--i didn't even know that was the name of the building.

one of the favorite things i saw was this interactive piece using the monome interface. it consisted of what looked like a keyboard of white buttons with internal lighting that would turn on and off as you pressed them and would activate the rhythmic tapping of metal mallets on fabricated ceramic vessels. it was mesmerizing to watch and listen. it would take too long to go into detail on everything, but there were plenty of amusing things, and while some were more interesting than others, i thought it was great to see an intervention/installation of this kind at a major museum.

fur in process

fur in process
Originally uploaded by bluepupae.

#2 on my 101 in 1001 list
the installation of my cat fur sculpture in the display case at long beach city college made me realize how installing is half the work, and almost more difficult than the nearly mindless, meditative handwork that went into the piece. i still have more to do, but it's looking pretty good. another thing i've learned is that not all cat fur is created equal. some kinds are easier to work with, some felt better, and are more inclined towards certain shapes and manipulations. not sure what i will call it yet, but it furthers my investigation of time and process in art. one of the best things about this piece is that it's the cheapest art piece i have ever made, which is a consideration in these trying economic times.

fur fix

cat fur
Originally uploaded by bluepupae.

i never thought i'd be so excited to see cat fur, but here is the latest installment from maxine66 on ravelry. thank goodness for kind knitters. it's quite lovely, and unlike the stuff i've been collecting around the house sans cat litter. i haven't exhausted all my fur sources (still waiting on people to send me theirs), but am considering getting one of those special combs that removes the undercoat hairs. if i inadvertently make the cats bald, i guess that will be a good excuse to knit them a sweater! ha!

cat fur is an interesting material to work with, so i may continue this project after my nov 6 deadline. it'll depend on what i can collect from people without being too much of a pest.

fur in process

fur in process
Originally uploaded by bluepupae.

so i found out today that the show that i will be in with a fellow artist--Richard Hutter-- at BC Space is being moved back to the first of next year, which is probably a good thing as i had submitted some work to a juried show in Torrance (keeping my fingers crossed), and the led project is still moving along at a snail's pace.

recently, i started a sculpture made from mostly cat & some dog fur. i may extend some of the parameters and start begging for rabbit fur as well. besides the strange looks and curiosity, i've received cat fur from various friends, and the cats at home are happy to be regularly combed, but am finding i need A LOT more. not quite ready to troll the animal shelters yet...thinking about it though.

unbearable lightness

documentation
Originally uploaded by bluepupae.

the house is a wreck, and i haven't put away the chocolate or yarn that came into my possession this weekend, but i did document a piece i made this summer during a workshop. i made a total of five pieces, but the others didn't feel as finished as this one.

titles are almost as difficult to put together as the projects themselves. like the piece, a certain amount of ambiguity and intrigue yet some suggestion as to what the piece is about make for a good one. initially, i thought about calling this raw, but that seemed, well...raw and simple, so for now, it is unbearable lightness.

in search of (a title)

untouchable
Originally uploaded by bluepupae.

the past month, and particularly, the past few weeks, i have been frantically working (is there any other way?) on this one piece consisting of a stack of plain white drawers, some with red interiors and other objects, like fingers, nipples and light. i'm quite proud that when i started, i only had a vague idea of how this thing was going to turn out, as i have a tendency to overly think and plan my projects.

knowing the deadline, i really tried not to overextend myself on making something that was too far beyond my technical knowledge as i have done in the past. of course, it wasn't without challenges, and there were a few. first, i wanted the top part of the piece to turn away when someone approaches and gets too close.

initially, i bought a cheap PIR sensor from radio shack to use for sensing motion which would trigger the motor that would turn the top portion of the sculpture. a few pieces of plastic material between the boxes provided a smooth surface between the box for the turning. mike found some programming code to translate the sensor activation to the motor turning using a simple arduino board.

by itself, the turning mechanism worked, but once i put it together, it did not work smoothly. the weight of the boxes was creating too much friction for the motor to turn. there were issues with the sensor which i had some reservations to begin with due to some idiosyncratic properties of the sensor. i forked out some bucks to change that one out for a sensor activated using ultrasound, and replaced the plastic material for a lazy susan which would better support the weight.

those two changes seem to have made the turning mechanism work, although not perfectly. the sensor has two pieces, one that sends out the ultrasound signal, and one that receives it. since there's only one hole for the drawer, i had to make a second one underneath. this hole is not very big because i didn't want to make it obvious, but limits the range. someone has to get pretty close to activate the turning. not sure how i feel about it yet.

one of the boxes consists of nine small drawers, and all but four are screwed shut. the four are partially open, and you can see cast wax fingers inside. if a person moves one of these drawers, a sound is emitted. the electronics in this was pretty straightforward, although in my addled state, i really had to work through the logic to make sure i was properly soldering the right connections.

in the second box from the top, one of the drawers is upside down, and has a lightbox image of my vagina. simple leds in parallel were used to light this. i may revisit and add more leds to increase the span of the light. because of the height it is set at, to see the image you have to kneel or bend and contort yourself.

i am so glad that i made this thing modular because i have to take it apart in order to get it into my car and transport it anywhere, which i've already had to do five times. i'm also glad i worked wheels into the design.

after some initial critique and feedback from friends, peers and instructors/mentors, i realize that there are two big things i need to work through still. the top box has drawers with clear plexi fronts. i wasn't sure if i should put something in them. i wanted to have drawers that you can see into, but not feel like you're seeing anything. i think i'm going to put something in there that has familiar qualities, but you can't tell what it is.

the biggest problem that i have to deal with though is that the piece is designed to be somewhat interactive and to a certain extent rests on that premise. sound is activated when you open some of the drawers. in the context of a museum or gallery, it's expected that you don't touch the work, so how do i convey that you can touch the work? at the same time, the piece is a bit fragile, and i don't want people to go overboard. in addition, some of the drawers are screwed shut. how will viewers discover this if they don't try?

not that i thought that this project was going to be easy, but i was moving at such a good momentum towards some finality, i figured it would be wrapped up considerably quickly. most of it is done, but this last thing is going to require me to put it aside and think some more about it. for now, it will have to exist imperfect. overall, i marvel at how well it turned out. i must have more faith in myself. as to what it's about...well, you'll have to experience it for yourself. it's a self-portrait.

fingers & nipples

art documentation
Originally uploaded by bluepupae.

i had fun making temporary alginate molds of my fingers & nipples, then casting them in beeswax, which smells really good. they'll go into a project i'm currently working on.

overflowing

these early friday morning tennis sessions are turning me into a morning person. hopefully, a fitter one as well. so here i am saturday morning looking ahead to another filled weekend. in about half an hour or so, i'll be leaving for a taiwanese breakfast in san gabriel, which should be good.

last sat, we toured rubel castle and stuck around LA to check out a few galleries and museums, but this time, we've got laundry squeezed in between breakfast and today's chocolate tasting, which will be at compartes. surprisingly, not as many people were signed up, so i invited my brother, who'll be joining us for chocolate and possibly dinner.

tomorrow morning, i'm planning for another bike ride down the boardwalk on the beach, then to belmont shore and the marina to the farmer's market where we'll pick up a few things and come back. hoping my legs hold up, especially on the return trip with additional baggage. this past wednesday, i rode my bike to the knit night, which was at barnes and nobles. it was a good 4-5 miles, and most of it was fine, but the hump over the bridge on second street was a bitch. i was huffing and hawing but proud i made it without getting off the bike.

the rest of sun will be filled with me frantically putting together my latest art project and please oh please if there's a god, she'll help me get it to 95% completion. there are still a number of technical unknowns, like how i get the electronics for the turning to work, and how i get from opening or closing a drawer to sounds emitting from the boxes. wish me luck.

art is a luxury...

...to which the artist pays. --David Smith

glow santa monica

glow santa monica
Originally uploaded by bluepupae.

in theory, this sounded like it would be a great idea, but i don't think the organizers or the city of santa monica anticipated the masses of people that would all be flocking to the event. i was really looking forward to experiencing art unlimited by the confounds of a museum environment--art that could activate and be activated by people and space. unfortunately, there were just too many people. the ratio of people to experiences was off and made for a very bad experience.

first, we spent at least half an hour trying to find parking. if this were in a city like san francisco, maybe it would be normal, but this is santa monica. people here don't really use public transit, so everyone was in cars all trying to get into the public lots. the numerous parking structures weren't enough. when we finally found a private parking structure that didn't charge an exorbitant fee, we were not told until we had driven in that they closed at midnight and we couldn't turn around. a total rip off.

it would have been nice if the different installations had the brief descriptions that were on the website, otherwise, it was really difficult to tell what was going on. much of the work was conceptual, and with conceptual work, i feel people could better appreciate the work if there is some information about it. it doesn't have to be a drawn out explanation. the one or two lines that were on the website would have been sufficient. otherwise, all you can go on is what you see, which wasn't a whole lot.

the beach wasn't too crowded compared to the pier, but the size of the installations compared to the spectators made it difficult to appreciate. i thought the water feature with the projected abstract imagery was interesting visually and a good size to be viewed from far away, which is what you'll be with that many people. everything else had too many people clustered around to see.

we tried to make our way to the pier, but the stairs were packed. when you squeeze people together like that, it doesn't make for a pleasant experience. not everyone is going to be considerate or apologetic when they ram their bike into you or scream in your ear at the top of their lungs. the pier was covered with people. mardi gras wasn't as packed as this. then it was time to move our car. we decided we couldn't take the hassle or the people so ended up leaving.

even though my experience was negative, i'm giving the event 3 stars because this was their first time, and i understand how difficult it could be to estimate turnout. i also think that cities should be more active in promoting art for the masses. it's so rare for cities to support art events on such a grand scale. it needs to be better thought out and planned for. if this had been over the course of a few days, maybe it wouldn't have been so crowded. they could charge admission to pay for the cost of better managing the parking situation. i'm glad that i made the trek, but disappointed the situation created made it nearly impossible to see and experience everything. i hope this fiasco (and the many forthcoming complaints) do not deter them from planning for future events like this but that they learn from this particular situation.

BCAM

BCAM
Originally uploaded by bluepupae.

even though i've had a membership since BCAM opened, and wanted to go to the opening, we haven't had time to make it over there. luckily, the collection on view is there until september. when i drive to LA, i try to plan for multiple excursions to make efficient use of time and gas. we planned to be in LA this weekend for a birthday dinner and glow in santa monica, so stopped by the BCAM.

the Broads have made some great choices. unlike some collections that have a few one off pieces from different artists, this one had multiple contemporary and modern works for each artist. it was as if they chose particular artists to invest in/fund/collect. you have a better feel for an artists' work, when viewing several pieces. as a whole, it all worked well together, too.

permission to art

warning: materials in process
Originally uploaded by bluepupae.

Sometimes I think creativity is magic; it's not a matter of finding an idea, but allowing the idea to find you. - Maya Lin

i haven't allowed myself the time to work on art much since returning from vacation. instead, i've been going about the business of daily life- chores, extra work to pay for vacation off. soon...i will be very sad if it doesn't happen soon.

5 haiku mashup

by dao nguyen

mashup: in music, a dj samples two or more songs to create a new song

flutter, fluid waste,
here, now, she needs a gallon
of india ink

old and melted sounds--long, slow,
silencio muy grande,
falling is like this

pool of unsung words
smells of summer, hot paper,
i found that on the ground

the transparent self
stories of my ancestors
rise, not fall from hands

blowing, sucking soul
becoming flesh, i taste bile,
feather falls from nest

.......................................................

this was written using words culled from questionnaires and process created by poet Andrew Sullivan which he originally used to write a poem for an exhibition for Robin Hill. fellow artists filled out questionnaires based on their responses to my own work. this poem is a collaboration between others' responses and my own appropriation/filtration/creation/thoughts about recently completed work exploring process and material using my snot-filled tissues as a primary material.

great advice

warning: materials in process
Originally uploaded by bluepupae.

Just stop thinking, worrying, looking over your shoulder, wondering, doubting, fearing, hurting, hoping for some easy way out, struggling, gasping, confusing, itching, scratching, mumbling, bumbling, grumbling, humbling, stumbling, scrambling, hitching, hatching, bitching, moaning, groaning, honing, boning...searching, perching, besmirching, grinding grinding grinding away at yourself. stop it and just DO...trust and tickle somthing inside you, your "weird humor." you belong in the most secret part of you. don't worry about cool, make your own uncool...if you fear, make it work for you--draw and paint your fear and anxiety. and stop worrying about big, deep things such as "to decide on a purpose and way of life..." you must practice being stupid, dumb, unthinking, empty. then you will be able to DO! i have much confidence in you and even though you are tormenting yourself, the work you do is very good. try and do some BAD work/ the worst you can think of and see what happens but mainly relax and let everything go to hell.

Sol LeWitt's advice to Eva Hesse in a letter. April 14, 1965

I saw an exhibit of LeWitt's work at the Austin Museum of Art. I find the mathematical and logical but arbitrary rules in his work interesting. though his work is not exactly moving, this letter is.

Bruce Mau Design : An Incomplete Manifesto for Growth

Here are a few items from Bruce Mau Design's Incomplete Manifesto for growth. You can find the complete list here. This applies to any creative endeavor.

1. Allow events to change you. You have to be willing to grow. Growth is different from something that happens to you. You produce it. You live it. The prerequisites for growth: the openness to experience events and the willingness to be changed by them.

2. Forget about good. Good is a known quantity. Good is what we all agree on. Growth is not necessarily good. Growth is an exploration of unlit recesses that may or may not yield to our research. As long as you stick to good you'll never have real growth.

3. Process is more important than outcome. When the outcome drives the process we will only ever go to where we've already been. If process drives outcome we may not know where we’re going, but we will know we want to be there.

4. Love your experiments (as you would an ugly child). Joy is the engine of growth. Exploit the liberty in casting your work as beautiful experiments, iterations, attempts, trials, and errors. Take the long view and allow yourself the fun of failure every day.

5. Go deep. The deeper you go the more likely you will discover something of value.

6. Capture accidents. The wrong answer is the right answer in search of a different question. Collect wrong answers as part of the process. Ask different questions.

they're all pretty good, but i really like #2. it's difficult to hold back the judging mind--to refrain from applying value judgments to what is in front of you, but i do agree that in art and in life, being patient can lead to new insight.

houston museum of fine art

texas summer 08
Originally uploaded by bluepupae.

fodder for art

fodder for art
Originally uploaded by bluepupae.

for years i have suffered through allergies. every year, beginning as early as january and for 3-5 months, my nose runs and itches and is prone to sinus infections, my eyes water and itch and turn red, my face breaks out, i sneeze, can't breath, am miserable whilst going through countless tissues and have varying degrees of success doing the usual things.

i've tried a number of remedies, including benadryl which makes me way too sleepy and is only a last resort, claritin, allegra, homeopathic pills, bee pollen and local honey, none of which completely wipes out the allergy symptoms without wiping me out, and some do both. i've tried plugging my nose with tissue, but that is only temporary relief until it becomes snot-soaked or gets sent flying across the room by an explosive sneeze.

the thought of visiting rome strikes fear in my heart because the one time i was there, i had the worst allergy attack which ended up with me developing a sinus infection and bronchitis by the end of my vacation. i barely remember the coliseum through tears and medication. apparently, i'm allergic to antiquity or at least the dust that goes with it.

this year has not been so bad compared to others. i've lived in the same place for some time, and last year, which was worse, i ate a lot of bee pollen. i still have days though when i can't take it, and rather than attempt to be functional, i dose myself with benadryl and call it a day. so i've been thinking about doing the only thing i can, make some art out of it. i have to do something with the piles of snotty tissues. they would be better admired in a museum collection than a landfill, i think.

art center student graduation show

art center graduation show
Originally uploaded by bluepupae.

i found this piece at the art center student graduation show to be amusing.

being and nothingness

no photo today because there's been little progress on my led project unless you want to see my pathetic face after picking up special flux & high-content silver solder from a welding supply shop in north long beach and still having no success in soldering braided stainless steel wire to the leds. i wonder if i have to torch the damn thing. %@#*&@(^!

it's times like this that i wonder why i don't stick to familiar territory. i know there's an answer. it's not frickin' rocket science after all.

problem solving

my led project has hit another snafu. after wire wrapping three columns (of the 72 column grid), i discovered that due to the uneven weight on the very thin wrapped kynar wire, some were breaking. i chose the thin wire to not detract from the light feel of the piece. each circuit board holds two leds and represents one "pixel" or "dot" of the overall image and connects to adjacent boards via two kynar wires. the problem is that it is extremely difficult to wrap the two such that the lengths are exactly the same. because of this, the weight is unevenly distributed, and as subsequent boards are added, more weight needs to be supported by a single wire.

i scrapped (for now) the idea of using the kynar wire in lieu of two continuous lengths of wire for each column, to which the boards would be soldered. this would get around the problem of a lot of weight on a single bit of wire. unfortunately, my new plan has not been working out as well as i had hoped and has been very frustrating especially since i have been working on this for so long and am anxious to finish it (i keep reminding myself it is the journey not the destination). i have tried braided stainless steel, galvanized steel and copper. the braided steel looked nice, but the solder would slip right off as if it were coated in oil. solid copper wire worked fine, but i want to use a wire that is flexible for storage and does not stand out from the rest of the piece. tinned copper seemed to be the way to go, but not available to the average consumer.

mike found some picture wire i had, made of stainless steel, and had some modicum of success soldering, so i ordered some to test, and that didn't work. this past week, i researched soldering stainless steel, which is apparently quite difficult to do. i tried increasing the temperature and even using a torch, sanding the wire, using acid-core solder, and separate flux. none of these methods has worked. i'm hoping maybe it's the flux, and am now trying to find some special flux for soldering stainless steel.

this is not boding well for me. i want to forge ahead and have hopes of finishing this in time for a show in the fall. one of the most interesting things i find about making art is the problem solving, but it can be very frustrating. i find myself attracted to challenges but often wonder if i'm a masochist...

last sunday, while feeling pissy and frustrated about making a jig wherein i had to hand drill evenly spaced pairs of holes into a length of plywood, and after considering buying a drill press, i did find a new, smaller and doable project. i am interested in the idea of perfection and recently found myself considering why i like making things that have the appearance of being machine made. what is this aspiration towards an ideal that in extremes can be detrimental to one's mental and physical health? i was thinking about the women in lauren greenberg's documentary on eating disorders and my own perfectionist tendencies. it can be absurd when you're on the outside looking in yet inescapable. as a nod to john baldassari and conceptual art, i am going make a piece about perfection. already, the thought of changing the context of an act in the art process will change the experience and meaning of the piece and provide some distraction while i figure out how to solder steel.

photo of my late father: progress

photo of my late father: progress
Originally uploaded by bluepupae.

it's been a while since i moved beyond soldering, endless soldering on this project. i am about 2/3 the way through soldering leds, and wire wrapped one strand to check that outcome.

the low values are barely discernible in the light. i'll have to think some more on the lighting environment best suited for this.

emergence

that consciousness manifests from trillions of neurons that either fire or don't fire has intrigued me for some time now. in a previous life, i had dreams of becoming a neuroscientist. though i aspire to be an artist, the line between art & science grows ever narrower these days.

there is a word and a science for studying the way complex systems arise out of simple pieces of that make up the system--emergence. i first learned of the term from mike referring to how things in proximity have an influence on each other, but the idea is not new to me. women living together will synchronize their menstrual cycles. i've had two friends synchronize their cycles with mine--does that mean i have strong pheromones?

i am reading and finding interesting one of two books on the topic, Sync: How Order Emerges from Chaos in the Universe, Nature, and Daily Life. the other is Emergence: The Connected Lives of Ants, Brains, Cities, and Software. what do fireflies in asia, women's monthly cycles, cities, google and the human brain have in common? a lot apparently. already i am excitedly planning an interactive piece exploring this with mike. i'd like to start with a simulation that can take on a life of its own. aside from programming and other technical challenges, we have to figure out how to put together 1000 leds (at the minimum) that are individually programmable and not cost prohibitive. of course, we, like the scientists in the book, will start with "syncing" two. processing seems to be the perfect environment for preliminary tests.

but first, i must solder more leds for my my other project. since i have made little progress on the photograph of my father, i have decided to give myself a deadline of completing the soldering for all the resistors by the end of the month. that's some odd 12,000 resistors give or take a few. it doesn't seem completely unreasonable, but i calculated that i would need to solder about 480 a day to reach that goal. one must have loft goals.

oh, and there is an excellent podcast from august of a radio lab show from WNYC on emergence.

a nice dilemma & other reflections

Body of Evidence I
Originally uploaded by bluepupae.

granted, i make what i deem to be "progress" in adding to and improving upon my body of work every year, yet i am extremely disappointed in myself that another year passes, and i am not ready to apply for grad school, which i feel a strong need for. this has been true for years now. i can't remember who, because i've bemoaned this to a number of people, but someone, maybe it was jerry, told me, "you never feel ready, to apply to grad school."

mike thinks i should just do it, and he will be even more annoyed that i don't even try this year. i only have three worthwhile completed pieces for my portfolio (i think). the other few that are in progress are substantial, and i'm excited about them and about finishing them, but they only exist as renderings in my portfolio and a sizable pile of leds on the work table. this is why i don't feel ready. actually, i have many ideas for many projects, but none of those count, because they are only patterns of neurons firing in my noggin' and a few sketches at this point.

well, to prove that i'm not a total neurotic pessimist, i do have great news. my body of evidence i piece is in a show in st. charles, missouri at the foundry art centre, and apparently, i received the solo award for it. what a wonderful surprise. i almost didn't even bother submitting to the show because i was kind of busy and not feeling very positive about the piece after a couple of rejections. so glad mike encouraged me to do it, and i listened to him.

i get to decide whether to accept award money, which i desperately need, or a solo show at the gallery some time in 2010, which is a ways off. difficult decision. the money would be great to put back into new work and pay off expenses for past projects. unlike most careers, being an artist means you spend time and money making things for some indeterminate time in hopes that one day, enough people will buy your work so you can continue to make more work and not starve or give up.

i am not all about the money either. an opportunity to have a solo show is rare. i've only had a few pieces in juried shows. how long does an artist peddle her wares before someone with a prominent venue allows her space to show not just one piece but a body of work to a large audience of people, some of whom may find some connection to the work? i haven't yet made up my mind, but i am enjoying that this is the difficult choice i am thinking about and basking in the glow of recognition and reassurance that i'm not just doing this for me.

nov 30, day 2 - moveable type

nov 30, day 2
Originally uploaded by bluepupae.

this installation, created by mark hansen & ben rubin, constantly changes, culling and repurposing content from the databases of the new york times. more info here. more photos taken by me here.

i'm in!

after a somewhat frustrating day debugging cross-browser issues yet again, then dealing with paying for overpriced services from incompetent people at the dry cleaner's, and having difficulty squeezing into a parking spot out front because some idiot couldn't pull forward a foot so there would be room for 2 cars instead of his/her one (there really is no excuse since there is clearly 3 feet between the front of the car and the driveway), i found out that a show i had entered and forgot about has accepted my piece into their group show "Internal Illuminations."

it's retarded, but i was starting to wonder if my Body of Evidence piece was crap as i've been getting little love for it. i feel i've long moved on from it mentally, but with the way things cycle out, i have to keep working at showing pieces that i may not be excited about. not much time has to pass after completing a piece before the excitement wanes.

the timing is a little tight with my travel plans. i realized two shows ago that the original connectors are loose and come apart easily, so i need to replace them, figure out how to safely package and ship it. this whole business of promoting and getting your work seen is a job in itself.

starting is the hardest

i've been ruminating on a piece i want to make about my personal family history that incorporates knitting, systems of expression and the process of connecting with my family that i will go through in order to complete this piece. the piece i am making will be a family tree constructed from the names of my family members translated from roman characters to ascii numbers to binary to knit & purl stitches. my interest in identity has moved beyond the physical to more specific cultural and personal experiences.

i made the first steps this weekend as i sat with my mother and my uncle and later my grandmother to begin to piece together the names of my ancestors. i've realized that there is more information than just names, including gender, simple facts such as deceased or not, and complex relationships such as that my grandmother's brother married my grandfather's sister. i'll need to figure out how far back i want to go, and how much i want to include or not include. i'm very excited to begin this.

...in other beginnings, i have moved into the next phase of the large led piece of my father by soldering resistors. the nature of the process makes this part go much more slowly than the led soldering. there was also a pause and procrastination, typical of when i start something new or move onto a new phase of a project as i am cautious.

the uncertainty and conservatism makes me feel nothing like an artist. there's this view that artists are daring and bold, and that the mark of creativity is venturing where others do not. i think it is partly misinformed by a perception that someone is born an artist with talent and not realizing that a body of work is a thing cultivated over time. there are moments when i feel a certain confidence and clarity in what i am doing, but there are also times i feel doubt. so starting is hard, but once i'm in it, the momentum carries me.

...of note, i found a company that will break down and analyze a person's dna for $1000. what does this mean? nothing yet--aside from that it is prohibitively expensive, i'm not sure what i would do with the information. i am extremely curious to see the genomic breakdown of my dna compared to my mother's and my grandmother's.

articulating

a request for a bio/artist statement for the 2007 National Open upcoming show at Long Beach Arts, where one of my pieces is installed, led to a long overdue revisit of my writing. since my portfolio review in san francisco, i have been mulling over in my head what my work is about, how i talk about it, what i want my work to be about or what direction i want it to go. it's really been a big soupy mess that i've come back to here and there, but mostly avoided--my usual response to problems--sitting down to sort out.

the revisit this morning helped to somewhat clarify or at least better articulate certain things. others are yet to be decided. i hate to make any decisions about the specific direction of my work as i feel they might be limiting, but at the same time, it's what i need--parameters that is--somewhat arbitrary rules to coral my wandering interests du jour.

mike's advice to me has been to not overload individual projects with too many overblown ideas, but to keep them simple and direct. it is definitely challenging balancing the desire to layer one's work so it is intriguing with not creating a confusing muck and losing the message.

i whittled my artist statement to one very general paragraph and the project statement to be less physically & technically descriptive and more about the work. writing about one's work is tough. i used to think that one of the reasons i make art has to do with my inability to articulate in words the mess in my head, but now i think it's an exercise in organizing, reorganizing and revisualizing it. the writing seems to help it not be a literal brain dump.

photo of my late father progress

photo of my late father
Originally uploaded by bluepupae.

i am half way through soldering, and still have a ways before i'm even halfway done with the project as a whole. i've been thinking about it some more, and want to add some elements that will make it more clear that it is about reverence and the vietnamese custom of honoring dead ancestors. not sure if it will take the form of a large matt in front of the piece that you have to take your shoes off to enter or pillows in front or the sounds of a wood knocker faint in the background.

amy visits for a day

amy visits for a day
Originally uploaded by bluepupae.

feeling more like saturday than black sunday, yesterday indulged my favorite fancies, not even sparing the extra hour for rest, and included a fiber festival, murakami at the moca, the santa monica beach at night and a lovely dinner with mike and his sister amy.

weaving & spinning fiber festival in torrance
the hurried exploration of festival goodness rationed my usually ridiculous consumption of all things fiber. i say ridiculous because i bought more roving when i haven't done that much spinning nor do i have the time to, but the touching and the looking enticed me. photos coming soon.

murakami at the moca
if you are interested in japanese buddhist iconography or pop culture through the brightly tinted lens and subversive cuteness of big-eyed cartoon characters with sharp teeth, you cannot miss the murakami exhibit. in spite of the crowded insanity of the opening weekend, i really enjoyed the show. although i have seen murakami's work in the context of group shows, i have not had the opportunity to reflect on and appreciate the references and the humor.

i liked the huge gotee'd buddha with one serene and one mad pointy teeth baring face sitting on a flattened elephant sculpture made of titanium and the room wall-papered with silk-screened faced flowers with flower paintings sometimes appearing to recede and sometimes appearing to bulge out of the walls. i thought the cutesy mushrooms with big eyes were sinister in the context of the mushroom cloud of the atomic bomb. confused and disturbed was i to all of a sudden walk into a louis vuitton store selling bags with murakami-ized LV logos.

santa monica beach
we missed the sunset, but could still see a spectrum of colors in the sky over the ocean horizon and glow of the amusement park rides on the pier. only mildly chilly, we walked the long expanse of sand to smell the sea.

ammo
still a favorite even after a long time away, ammo did not disappoint. we started by sharing a market beet and avocado salad. my dish of spaghetti with bitter greens and proscuitto was simple yet delicious and light. mike had the farotto with beets in a pomegranate reduction which had complex sweet, salty and tangy flavors. amy loved her slightly sweet lasagna filled with grilled shitakes and fresh vegetables. we ended with a rustic apple tart with mascarpone and sundae with trio of coffee, chocolate & vanilla ice cream blanketed with caramel and chocolate sauces and sweet graham(?) chunks.

mike's quick rush to get a replacement air mattress from target (cats punctured the previous one) resulted in one twice the thickness. it looked so good, i was wanting to sleep on it myself.

...

a victim of the time change, i left work an hour early because i was following the computer clock, not realizing it had not been updated. doh! well, at least i had more time to catch up on some sewing in class where i made good progress on the pajama pants.

photo of my late father progress

progress
Originally uploaded by bluepupae.

1500 boards with leds soldered and counting. 11,000+ to go...

ocma: a little art history

ocma
Originally uploaded by bluepupae.

the museum is providing various art history lectures in their education center the last thurs of each month through june. i found out about it while looking up the helvetica screening (which was a disaster because of the damaged dvd that went berserk about 30 min into the movie). i decided to check out this evening's lecture on the european avant-garde art movements.

on a rare occasion, i arrived early, and was getting in some knitting, when i suddenly found myself surrounded by a group of 20+ college (barely) female students, engulfing me in bubble gum, overwhelmingly fruity shampoo and hot pink plastic. wow. to be young and pink.

art history prof karen kleinfelder's energetic presentation and intimate knowledge of the work made the concerns and influences of the european avant-garde relevant to today. marcel du champ is one of my heros, and i've heard of many of the other artists discussed from the period, but the lecture really brought the different movements together and put it in the context of the time and place.

bleary-eyed by the end by the account of guernica the city and guernica the painting by picasso, i contemplated the effect of war on art and vice versa. i am disappointed already that i will be missing the next lecture, which will be on american modernism.

photo of my late father progress

photo of my late father
Originally uploaded by bluepupae.

i've been itching to get into the trenches with this project, but have been distracted with show submitals, updating my portfolio and other projects. what little bit i squeezed in felt good. it's probably not good for my health, but i kinda like the smell of melting (or maybe it's burning) solder. i need a bigger jig though. i have one so that i can set up and solder three boards one after another. it feels like it is going faster soldering than with the previous method of pushing through and flattening out the pins on fabric. i feel like i need to be looked in a cell with this and get it done, but it really is a challenge to prioritize the time. it's too bad it's not portable like knitting...

mixed messages (warning: extreme negativity)

habu textiles
Originally uploaded by bluepupae.

my feelings about this blog are mixed, and my direction, like everything else in my life, is unclear. (of course, that's not really saying a whole lot.) on the one hand, i feel the need to share my thoughts with whoever comes along and might care or get something from. on the other hand, do i really need to be opening my head up for scrutiny by anyone but a mental health professional and my poor boyfriend?

i began by documenting my work partly to motivate myself and partly to put down some thoughts. as if the internet were not enough distraction, now i feel the need to keep this updated. if i am doing this, there is a part of me that hopes someone is reading it. it's like art making. sure, artists want to have the freedom to do whatever the hell they want, but at the end of the day, we need someone to see it. we may make work in isolation, but to be complete, it's got to come around and be experienced.

moving on from neurotic rambling...i also received some mixed feedback about my portfolio. the person from the sculpture dept at sf art institute could see the progression of my work into sculpture, but thought i needed to frame my artist statement and portfolio in such a way that it takes into account the kinds of concerns that people working in sculpture have. i guess that means thinking/talking about the formal and material aspects of art making. he thought my presentation looked clean, which is good.

the person from the school of the art institute of chicago had a number of comments, including that perhaps i should reshoot or video my work to show more of the experience. he seemed to think that i had a lot to say in my artist statement that didn't come through in the work in the portfolio. not sure if that has to do with the execution or the presentation of the portfolio.

i'm glad i had the opportunity to get some feedback from people who could potentially be looking at my work during the a